As I sat across from Owen in the dimly lit living room, our newborn son, Liam, asleep in the next room, I felt a cocktail of emotions swirling within me. It was only a week ago that we had been in the hospital, me deep in labor, and Owen by my side. Yet, the memory still bothered me. I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts and the courage to address what had happened during childbirth.
A woman and her husband with their newborn baby | Source: Getty Images
“Owen,” I started, my voice steady but soft, “we need to talk about what happened at the hospital.” His eyes met mine, a flicker of uncertainty in them. He nodded, and I took it as my cue to continue. “Do you remember, during labor, when you asked me to stop screaming? You said I was embarrassing you.”
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, a sign I took as recognition. “Yes, I remember,” he replied, his tone defensive yet tinged with a hint of regret.
I paused, letting his acknowledgment hang in the air between us. “I want you to understand how those words made me feel,” I continued, my voice growing firmer. “I was in excruciating pain, Owen. I was trying to bring our child into this world, and all you could think about was how embarrassed you were.”
His reaction was not what I had hoped for. Instead of empathy or even an apology, my husband’s face hardened, and his voice rose in anger. “It is a woman’s job to listen to her husband, and you could have been quieter during labor!” he retorted angrily. I must admit, my generally caring and nice husband’s tone caught me off guard.
I felt a surge of disbelief and anger at his response. How could the man I loved, the father of my child, be so insensitive? But beneath the anger, I could sense embarrassment and insecurity. This was not the partnership I had envisioned when we vowed to support each other through life’s challenges.
“Owen,” I said, my voice breaking with emotion, “is that really what you believe? That my pain and effort should be silenced to save you from discomfort?”
He just looked at me. That was one of the first times I couldn’t really tell what my husband was thinking.I stood up, utterly disgusted with what I had just heard him say. I went upstairs, took our newborn out of his crib, and went into the main bedroom. I stayed there for the better part of the day with the door locked to keep Owen out. I only opened the door again when I heard him start his car and drive off to meet some friends in the evening.
That day gave me some clarity about Owen’s character. I had seen a part of him I’d never seen before, and I didn’t like it. I knew I still loved him — how could I not after all the time we’d been together? But I needed to show him that I wasn’t just there to obey his every word. So, I used the time on my own to concoct a way to get him to see me as a person and not just as his servant. And I needed my family’s help.
A woman holding her baby | Source: Getty Images
A week later, as Owen and I walked through the door of my parents’ house for dinner, I could sense his apprehension. He knew the meal was more than just a casual family gathering. I guess he could sense something was off. My family, unaware of the tension between us, welcomed us with open arms, their warmth and love filling the room.The dinner table was alive with laughter and conversation. Memories were shared, and the delicious aromas of my mother’s cooking floated through the air. Everyone was happy to see the new baby and celebrate with us. As the evening progressed, I asked my sisters to share their own birth experiences. I wanted Owen to listen to other stories of childbirth and compare them to ours.
My sisters spoke of the pain, the joy, and most importantly, the unwavering support they received from their spouses. Their stories painted a picture of partnership and mutual respect, of husbands who were there not just physically, but also in an emotional capacity, offering understanding and support.
Owen listened quietly, his recent stubborn attitude giving way to thoughtful attentiveness. I could see the impact of their words on him, the realization of what he had missed in his role during our own childbirth experience. It was a turning point for him, one that I hoped would allow us to return to the way we had been before.
As everyone around the table shared stories, Owen sat silently. I kept watching his brow furrow deeper and deeper and his expression turned to sadness. I swear, at one point, it looked like he blinked away a tear. I was starting to wonder if outing him like this was really the best option. Wouldn’t that just humiliate him and drive us even further apart?
When it was my turn to share my story, I glanced at Owen. The remorse in his eyes was palpable. He seemed to have accepted that he would be publicly shamed. And I knew then and there that I did not want that to be the tone for the rest of my marriage.
So, instead of recounting the pain and disappointment, I chose to focus on the positive, to highlight the good that Owen had done during my pregnancy and gloss over the moments of childbirth. “Owen was kind and supportive the entire time I was carrying little Liam,” I told my family. Not a lie exactly, but I guess a lie of omission. But I meant what I did say.
I told them about how Owen rubbed my swollen feet and helped me on a daily basis. My family adored the stories, and Owen looked at me with the same love he had always had in his eyes before. After dinner, as we were leaving, he pulled me aside. His apology was heartfelt, and he promised to never speak to me like his servant again. “I really am sorry, Sarah. Tonight made me realize just how much I’ve got to learn. I promise to be a better husband, a better partner to you.”The drive home was a quiet one, filled with contemplation and the soft sound of music. Liam lay in the back, already fast asleep. I found myself wrestling with the decision I had made back at my parents’ house. Had I done the right thing by shielding Owen from the full truth of his actions?
As I watched him sleep that night, a sense of peace settled over me. Yes, I believed him. Owen’s remorse was genuine. His desire to change was clear. By choosing compassion over confrontation, I had given us both a chance to move forward, to build a stronger foundation for our relationship and for our family. It wasn’t about forgetting the past but about choosing a future where we learn from our mistakes and grow together.
But would you have forgiven your husband for this? Or would you have let him explain his actions in front of the entire family? Let us know on Facebook!
